Hi there, stowed followers: guest blogger Lotus here today with some feline wisdom on surviving the guest season.

We have had many visitors to stay over the past few unsettling weeks; a tree was brought in from the outside; there were ribbons, roast meats (none for me, I discovered) and more wrapping paper than even I could possibly shred.

I have endured the attention and unprovoked cuddles with admirable fortitude, but one of the greatest challenges I faced was the mindless occupation of all my favourite nap spots. Kitchen sofa: taken. Kitchen armchair: taken. Living room sofas: taken. Even the small spinning desk chair with a comfy seat: taken. I have had to rely on my wits and my ingenuity, and can now give you a handy list of alternative rest spots for the displaced cat.

Number One: the kitchen stools. Close enough to the sink to observe all manner of interesting things going on, and yet innocently far enough away from the worktop not to invoke the wrath of the water spray.

I can't believe I haven't discovered this one before, it suits me so well

I can’t believe I haven’t discovered this one before, it suits me so well

The proud statement position: my pedestal

The proud statement position: my pedestal

A disapproving frown may free up some sofa space, if you have discerning humans. I don't

A disapproving frown may free up some sofa space, if you have discerning humans. I don’t

Number Two: the bin. I know, it’s a precarious, sloping position to maintain for long, but what it lacks in comfort it more than makes up for in pathos.

A subtle reference to what you feel you have been reduced to. Sadly subtlety rarely works on humans

A subtle reference to what you feel you have been reduced to. Sadly subtlety rarely works on humans

A soulful pose could go some way to expressing your annoyance

A soulful pose could go some way to expressing your annoyance

Failing that, a hard probing stare to induce guilt

Failing that, a hard probing stare to induce guilt

I call this one "La Miserable"

I call this one “La Miserable”

Number Three: the garden fence. For when there are more small children than is fair or advisable.

Sitting on the fence is apparently a human position of indecision. Find an appropriately spiky and uncomfortable fence and you may portray an attitude of resolve and stoicism

Sitting on the fence is apparently a human position of indecision. Find an appropriately spiky and uncomfortable fence and you may instead portray an attitude of resolve and stoicism

Number Four: a soft toy ‘bed.’ Looks so perfect, but not without its pitfalls.

Beware the frivolity of the season. When you do finally secure a comfortable space....

Beware the frivolity of the season. When you do finally secure a comfortable space….

....you can be sure that someone will tuck a soft toy under your paw and label you "cute"

….you can be sure that someone will tuck a soft toy under your paw and label you “cute”

Do not despair. You can take it out on the soft toy later

Do not despair. You can take it out on the soft toy later

Thanks for having me on the blog, stowed! I’d love to come back some time to impart more helpful advice to your readers.

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